I've been treated miserablly for so long by my own blood.
A mother and a sister who are emotionally ill.
I have to live in this house of my childhoold like a squatter.
Waiting for the day my mother dies and my sister removes me.
She has made her intentions clear.

She was direct.
"You cannot live here. We cannot live together. You can't expect to live here."
Mother had made her trustee to the house.
It is as if I am non-existent.
Correction. I am existing.
I am existing as their leach.

It's the oddest feeling knowing your family does not love or care for you.
It's unnatural.
No one believes mewhen I tell them of my situation.
They cannot believe family would behave that way.
No one believes of the madness till they overhear my family and their chaos and then I get apologies for my "situation."

How am I to live in a house I called and call home knowing it isn't?
How do I call someone mother who has no maternal love for me?
How do I call someone sister who has no emotional bond with me?

I feel awkward here.
I feel sad.
I feel scared for my future.
I feel like my life is a prison and I have no viable option out.

I'm looking at things differently now.
I'm looking at them differently now.
I've always known they're selfish tendencies.
I've always known the dysfunctionality of our family.

Now it's as if I see through them.
Past them as if they are ghosts.
I will be congenial.
I will treat them with the respect I would any other human being as long as I am living here.
But the words Mother and Sister are titles and not endearing to me at all.

I've got to toughen myself a bit.

There is a bright side to this - I no longer have to please them.
I no longer have to worry about angering or disappointing.
My mother's demands, tirades, and emotional abuse will be just what they have always been: rantings of a mentally ill woman with a bad character.

There is a positive side to this. There is something freeing of them not having a hold on me.